I’ve just knocked back my second liver tumour – hic

I am feeling a bit self conscious about writing my blog at the moment and not entirely sure what to say. Or even what use it might be to anyone other than to update you with a yes, I am alive thank you very much and currently recovering after my recent J0310.

And for those of you about to complain “they don’t sell that in my local”, it’s actually medical code for a liver tumour removal together with a chunk of liver on the side. No onions please.   It went ahead finally on the 22 July at The Churchill Hospital, where I had to do a quick mental adjustment and remove it from my “been there done that” filing space in my brain and re-file into my “here we go again” box.

To mix it up a bit this time, it was the other lobe (left one) this time that was being hacked off; also known as the pointy end of the iron/liver. I was checked into a slightly different room two doors down from my last liver resection and also changed surgeons mid consultation!  My ‘normal’ and favourite one was on call that day but said he will try to pop in for a look.  The way I used to pop in as an optional attendee in random meetings where I could sit quite comfortably in the knowledge that I would have no actions and be happily unaccountable.

The new surgeon is a bit younger, apparently more handsome, and has smaller hands.  No -where on my checklist of surgeons did this feature as a benefit, but a cursory check with twitter and the alarming number of friends I now have with liver tumours (past and present) confirmed that this was indeed considered a GOOD THING.

I realise this may not always sound a treat to those of you reading without squatters in your liver, but for those of us with, it is indeed.  My oncologist said we wouldn’t be sitting here contemplating another surgery as recently as 4 years previously.  And it that’s not enough to freeze dry your bones, only about 20% of all liver tumours are considered removable by surgery.  So to fall into this camp twice is considered a great blessing. Although newer treatments such as RFA, SIRT and cyber knife are also proving to be really successful so it is nice to know there is still something up my surgeon’s sleeve should it come back again, again.

So I guess if there is any point at all of this update, it is to say treatment options and longer term survivability is in a much better place now than ever before but you need to know your options, push for answers and don’t take no for an option. And I am, with the grace of God, living proof.

My new surgeon, after a shaky start where our respective sense of humours looked on with mutual horror; his dry as a bone and mine a nervous stream of nonsense, was outrageously awesome and totally charmed me into submission.  I didn’t even protest when he said “what are you still doing lazing about in bed, stop treating this place like your hotel!” the morning after the operation.  I even smiled with him when he laughed out loud after lifting my gown to reveal the purple patchwork quilt that used to be called my stomach. And when he denied ‘touching my bowels’ and rendering them catatonic, I found his offer of “putting some dynamite up me” strangely charming.

I will gloss over the operation and subsequent stay in hospital, other than to say it was bad enough to cash in my holiday voucher and leave for saner places before the expiry date.  But you will be delighted to know that new surgeon has offered me my operation on film.  He says “I wouldn’t watch it with your hand in the popcorn bucket if I were you, but I figured as you never stop asking me questions and telling me how to do my job, you might be interested in seeing your textbook operation?” “p.s. remind me what it is you do for a job again?” me sensing a smidgeon of sarcasm; “medical student”.

It is very difficult to know what to say that hasn’t been said before.  It is certainly more boring the second time around when you completely lose any morbid fascination you may previously had.  And the toll on your loved ones is even more heart breaking to watch.  It can feel at times relentless for everyone so there is a need to escape to some normality with even more urgency which makes raking over old ground rather pointless. So, in the meantime and until I can figure out any reason to shed any new light or stories, here are some titbits;

1. A liver drain is called a Robinson drain, or a Mrs Robinson drain if like me you are now older than your surgeon
2. Phlebotomists (vampires) now have to drag around a WOW or a COW.  It stands for working on wheels, or computer on wheels and holds your EPR or electronic patient record, but is very cumbersome.  So much so, that they arrived on day one and I never saw them again.
3. The room where they put you to sleep has a tray full of “Bear huggers”.  Isn’t that nice?
4. The only bit of the operation which is pleasant is the GA bit so make sure you ask to be counted down from 10 so you can jolly well enjoy it.  Mine took me on a very long slow trip and it was delicious
5. Surgeons wind you up on day 2, I think it is part of the recovery programme
6. If like me, your veins are shut for business, a nice anaesthetist can put in a central line into your neck, a bit like a temporary PICC line which makes countless injections and drips painless
7. IV paracetamol is much more effective (don’t ask me why), than tablets but costs more so you have to stare the nurse down and growl a bit
8. Anti sickness drug cyclizine applied as an IV when under the influence of morphine will blow your head clean off for 2 hours.  Well it did mine, and was again jolly nice.  But once I mentioned this to the nursing staff, I was banned from any more.

As ever enormous thanks and never ending admiration for my loved ones who never stop giving and supporting me.  I am now recovering under their care at home with a few boring post op complications; infection and large haematomas/hernias (one will be deleted upon further investigation next week) and await a summons to see my oncologist where I suspect we will have a conversation about the validity of 2^nd line adjuvant chemo.  I sure as heck as like don’t want it..but am reliably told if it is strongly recommended I should shut up and say yes.  So we will see.   In the meantime, enjoy every minute of this wonderful summer and much love x