Have I or have I not put you to bed before even small people this week? Have I not fed and watered you and drunk all manner of disgusting liquids to make you feel better? Have I not avoided going into places where the great unwashed go in case you get infected? Have I not taken you for daily walks and filled your lungs with fresh air?
I quite accept you have been far too busy to make something as boring as neutrophils when you’ve got exciting challenges like chin hairs to grow. But if you don’t buck your ideas up, not only might I outsource you, but I might just forget to use a nice new razor next time I shave your legs.
You might think you are ever so clever coinciding this latest sit in with the arrival of summer this week, but don’t forget I know you are now ‘oh so sensitive’ to sun and will burn faster than a forest fire. So if you play fair, I promise to wear a wide brimmed hat and floaty things to protect your skin if you promise to get on with making platelets and neutropils. Deal?
Yours (with conditions)
p.s. Your 3rd and final attempt at chemo is now rebooked for 28th May so you had better scratch those jubilee celebrations from your calendar. Not so clever now huh?