Job of the week

I am not a completer finisher.  I have even been know to start sentences and

Up until now this finishing trait hasn’t caused me too many problems (if you count my previous marriages as challenges, not problems).

But I had no idea this personality ‘defect’ would be inherited by my body, which has enthusiastically decided to do anything other than finish building its’ immune system this week.  It seemed, however, to have enough time to make countless new grey hairs, layers of subcutaneous fatty tissue and excessive leg hairs. 

As my final chemo is now long overdue, I, or more accurately my body (we have stopped speaking to each other on account of above) has decided against returning to the chemo ward this week and after today’s shabby blood results, it is highly likely to put it off for another week. And before you ask, it’s pointless asking me to have another chat with my body about all of this. I have come to the conclusion that it’s got even worse at listening than Andrew Lansley.

So, I have decided to recruit an interim body to finish this one off for me.  And a rather generous package awaits. Any applicants will get:

  1. a week or 2 in bed
  2. a bag of legal drugs
  3. a free acupuncture and reiki session
  4. a slice of cake and a badge

Applicants will need:

  1. Good bone marrow
  2. flexible working arrangements
  3. love of needles
  4. love of daytime TV

I thank you. x


6 thoughts on “Job of the week

  1. I’ll swap bodies with you Rach, but only if you look after TaxAssist for 2 weeks for me ;o)
    Maybe you should eat some more naughty food, it seemed to work well last time????

  2. I think you may find my application for your advertised post overwhelmingly convincing: I can offer all of your required competencies in spades. Once you take possession of my body on the required interim basis, you will truly grasp the meaning of excessive leg hairs.

    I do hope that you are, even as we speak, in negotiations with several publishing houses to bring forth this outstanding blog as the book that might just save the world?!!

    Thought I was supposed to be making you laugh; not the other way round. Brilliant stuff, Rachel, and reminds us why we love you so very much.

  3. I’m on board! Happy to be a body-swap for you Rach…although not quite a doppelganger; does that matter/count?

    I suspect toilet habits may need to be negotiated (rather than swapped), your children briefed/counselled and leg-shaving implements traded (sharpened, as a minimum)…

    I’m guessing my legs are marginally more hairy and that my love of daytime tv may leave you disappointed.

    Not wanting to utterly disappoint you, I am robustly unafeared of needles and love the sound of free drugs. Having finally resigned, I suspect my working arrangements may become evermore flexible.

    It’s not all crispy chips and proper gravy though, I’m afraid…as part of this arrangement, you’ll have to accept my bad attitude, short temper and astonishing capacity for four-letter profanity.

    You win some, you lose some…happy to discuss at length.

    Keep smiling gorgeous!

    Simon xx

  4. You seem to be wanting a “Plant”. You are surrounded by ‘Resource Investigators’, ‘Co-ordinators’; ‘ Implementors’; are being ‘Monitor Evaluated’ all the time; seen by no end of ‘Specialists’; with a lot of ‘Teamworkers’ trying to get you through this, so that means you must be the ‘Shaper’. Shaping lots of people’s lives for the better whilst trying to master the role of ‘Completer finisher’.

    I fear that, along with many job descriptions you have missed out the worse facets of being a replacement body for you. I’d happily take your ability to write and inspire people but not too sure about . . . . . . . . . . I’d share a little of it if I could though.

    Keep laughing the chemo WILL end soon – those little deserters might develop a backbone yet.

  5. It’s tricky. Completer Finisher doesn’t come close. Completely lunching and finishing bottle is more like it. ALways tricky to do the final bit – c’mon old girl put the bill to the outrageous bill and get back to work! Someone did say cake….Chablis more li..Champagne more li…bloody expensive Champagne more like! Let them. Eat cake!

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