Ooh you look very well (translates into you look better than I thought you would)

Now that I am leaving my latest persistent vegetative state and my activity tolerance is an impressive 30 minutes, I can turn my attention back to observing the strange and funny ways in which my life and in particular, my appearance has changed.

And speaking as someone who would rather step willingly onto a flying saucer than a set of scales, I am finding this new monitoring and obsession with my weight very alarming. 

The only other time I recall my weight being under such scrutiny was during and after pregnancy and I have done my best since to forget and unlearn kilograms should I ever accidently fall onto any scales again.  However, I am now weighed more frequently than an average bag of goodies on MasterChef and it appears I have eaten the contents too. 

But what I can’t quite comprehend is the look of glee in the nurse’s eye when the scales top the last chemo sessions record and they exclaim “well done you’ve put on weight, go on treat yourself to a fried eccles cake sandwich”.  Such is the way of the chemo nurses who have mastered the art of making the depressing reality of chemo wards seem mundane and pretty normal that they think this calls for some serious celebration. NB: Piece of advice to anyone going through chemo – make sure you renew your passport before you start this fun and games otherwise like me if you happen to stumble across it in a mad clear out, you won’t be left enquiring when exactly did I start my job as chief cook and bottlewasher at Sellafield? Or why did I decide to plug my hair into the national grid?  Or weirder still, what thumping great accident or 10 years of heavy drinking caused the swelling up of my face to resemble 90’s poster boy Gazza?

But what’s interesting is I am noticing that I don’t conform to what people think a cancer patient should look like.  I know looking ‘hot’ now has different connotations, and it seems awfully vain to worry about your appearance whilst you are daily ingesting enough chemicals to deep clean the bathing facilities at a senior boys school, but I do daftly feel guilty for looking so ‘ruddy’ when I see people’s reaction and for a fleeting moment worry that they think I am putting it all on! And yet again (note to self), I feel a twinge of guilt for assuming in the past outward appearance is a good indicator of how you are feeling inside.

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9 thoughts on “Ooh you look very well (translates into you look better than I thought you would)

    • Yes small mercies eh thanks Chris! I have always been reverse ID’d. Could never get away with going in for a sneaky packet of fags or vodka at the age of 14 without being handed copies of women’s weekly and asked for my pension book.

  1. Welcome back again. Another under your belt (talking of putting on weight………….!) and hope they continue to get more tolerable. Don’t start booing like Gazza pleeeeease (or boozing). Lots love xxxx

  2. Think yourself lucky lol – at least chemo is a good excuse! I could easily be mistaken for Gazza’s sister and get asked most days by my colleagues if I’ve “come to work on the back of a motorbike” hahaha!

    ps Woman’s Weekly? I thought it was The People’s Friend? haha!

    Nice to have you back with us :)) xx

  3. As soon as you’re back in the office I’m purloining you as my chief copywriter, Rachel. Lovely metaphors, similes or whatever (you tell me which). D x

  4. haha yes I love how your mind works: “ingesting enough chemicals to deep clean the bathing facilities at a senior boys school”. Never really noticed it before all this palarva; have you always thought like this or is chemo enhancing your language skills?

    • I think it’s the juxtaposition of serious stuff with silly stuff that gives me freedom to talk nonsense. Never really needed to before. But as for telling jokes, Tim will tell you this hasn’t improved one bit. Takes a while though to think, can’t say it comes fluently yet! Xx

  5. Hey girlfriend, writer’s blog and fog lifted then, great, earlier than last time! Oh and just in time for the snow that’s due this weekend – make sure you wrap your extremities in cashmere my dear.

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