Are my white blood cells French circa 1940?

I was pondering why my body hadn’t managed to fight off the enemy invading forces and came to the conclusion that maybe my white blood cells after an early fight had decided to sign an armistice with the enemy army?

My nutritionist informed me that although I have a healthy number of white blood cells, the little chaps they call the NK or killer sqaud weren’t active enough. They had allowed the cancer cells to set up base in France (or my bowel) and if that wasn’t enough of a liberty, were allowed to go unchallenged into my liver (luckily for historical comparisons, not England!).

So, what’s the plan to turn this sleeping (apologies not suggesting for a minute the French were sleeping or any comparisons with bowel are intentional) NK squad into the feared Foreign Legion or probably more appropriately the current British army?

Luckily I have 2 plans.  Plan A and Plan B.

Plan A is the conventional opertations and chemo.  I am currently in phase 2 of this plan and so far all is going well. I am even getting my head around learning to ‘love’ the chemo rather than seeing it as the enemy as for mind/body reasons uknown to medical science this is not helpful.

Plan B is the back-up plan.  As my nutritionist said we have to eradicate the terrain that allowed these conditions to flourish in the first case. I will post my protocol for this at a later date as it is far too detailed to go into now.  But it involves taking that many tablets and drinks a day, I am getting gag reflex!

My Dad who has been the driving force in Plan B and has spent more hours in research than even Alexander Fleming, has bought a small pharmacy to my house and does spot audit checks to calculate if I am taking the right dose.

I should point out here for relevance that my Dad is a retired accountant, although we all know you can never retire that part of your brain.. Anyway, my Dad now has an even more audacious plan.  He has found a new product which is so well respected it costs more than a small flat in Great Missenden (post HS2) to buy.  It appears however you can buy this product at a fraction of the cost from a pharmacy in Budapest.

So, my Dad, who can do sums in his head so fast it would give my brain whiplash, is currently calculating if he can earn enough air miles to fly to Budapest, buy the product from the chemist (sounds like a ‘script’ from Dad’s army!) and be quids in!

I don’t know what else to say, other than my Dad is my super hero xx

p.s. this one’s too good to stay in the comments section.  Becca my comedic cousin has just knocked up this alarming picture.  I think it was during a nasty bout of gastroenteritis by the look of it.

5 thoughts on “Are my white blood cells French circa 1940?

  1. Hi Rachel
    Nice thoughtful and amusing post – what has happened to you?!? Have CC-ed to colleagues Sarkhozy and Merkel for their views on your analysis…. Personally, I wonder where the Italians figure in all this and where are the bloody Yanks when you need them?!
    What you need Mary Poppins is a spoonful of sugar…..x

  2. Strikes me you are in the wrong job – real creative talent – should be a farce script writer or at least produce a self-help book! x x

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