This is a post about the increasing number of smaller hoops a 6 feet 4 Tim has to jump through daily to appease a health obsessed me on a mission to rid my body of cancer!
It all starts in the morning with a bowl of porridge (organic whole oats of course, no microwave allowed) and blueberries. Tim picked up this trick from Bruce Forsyth who credits his longevity to porridge and precisely 12 blueberries each morning. But as Tim is an artist, naturally my porridge comes with a new design each morning which is quite a feat to complete before the porridge goes cold and I throw it all over him! I also get a nice cup of tea with rice milk as I am dairy free (ish).
This is a Mondrian, yes?
This might seem reasonably easy to you, but when we now have a dozen water bottles delivered daily by my Mum or Dad as they have a fancy water filter which takes out the bad stuff and puts back in the good stuff, this is by no means a easy task. We have red and white wine, perrier, elderflower and any bottle my Dad has recycled to fill up with healthy water, so it’s a bit of game in our house remembering the true contents of the bottles. However, this morning the system went wrong when the bottle Tim emptied into the kettle was in fact elderflower which I can tell you from experience does not taste nice boiled and served up as tea!
In case you don’t already know all the cooking in this house is done by Tim. He has installed a sensor on me and if I as much as make a move towards the kitchen, he appears from nowhere and gently guides me away from the cooker.
I bet however he hadn’t bargained on me turning the house into a never ending edition of ‘ready steady cook’ with my ever changing and increasingly complex dietary requirements. Here’s a flavour of the challenges Tim has been given these last few months:
- Pre diagnosis – the” I think I have IBS diet”
- Post diagnosis – the no red meat, sugar or dairy product diet (see colon cancer stats on western versus african/eastern diets for proof!)
- Post colon surgery – the low residue diet to allow bowel to heal for 1 month, followed by high residue a month later. 5 small meals a day please
- Post liver surgery – the homemade hearty vegetarian soup as a meal diet
- Recovery and present day diet – vegetarian bordering on vegan plus for extra fun cross referred with the anti cancer diet and the alkalizing diet with a healthy dose of mucilaginous food (okra, parsley, ginger, linseed and fenugreek seeds).
Now you still might think that sounds pretty fair to me. But factor in 2 children, one of which is a confirmed meat eater. The other insists on baking cakes at the exact time dinner is being prepared which necessitates her darting inbetween TIm’s legs to get to the cooker and tipping flour over every surface, and your blood pressure might start to rise?
Aha, but it doesn’t end there. The high tech cooker hob has decided to pack up which means all meals for a week now need to be cooked on a 2 ring calor gas cooker. (No microwaves please after a swiss food scientist called Dr Hans-Urich Hertel discovered that eating microwave food can potentially cause changes in the blood associated with disease… I could go on).
And finally, coordinate the arrival of 3 separate meals with my pill regime; chemo tablets need to be taken with food at 8 hourly intervals. And relax. Oh no, sorry you can’t, you have ironing now to do on account of me still not being able to lift anything heavier than a kettle.
High maintenance, me?